I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
