Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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