so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
