Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
