That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
