I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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