i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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