The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
