You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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