So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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