i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
