She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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