walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
