They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
