I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
