Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
