New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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