oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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