I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
