Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
