I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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