I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
