theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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