yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
