FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
