We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
