thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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