I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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