Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
