talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
