Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
