I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When are your genitals available?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
