SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
