Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
