This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
