Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
