forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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