Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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