My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
they need to just BURY HIM!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
