There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
