I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
