WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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