i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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