i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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