Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
