there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
