theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
