Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Panties = found
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
