If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
