Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
