im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
