i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
