so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
