bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
