I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
