I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
