I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
