My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
