I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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