Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
