she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
