Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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