I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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