The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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