If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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