Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
