i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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