i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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